Dear Blog Letter

Feb. 5, 2014

Dear Blog,

Sorry I haven’t written in so long – almost six months as a matter of fact. I have no excuses; I’ve just been lazy. Kind of into my winter TV watching and hibernation mode.

Guess I have a little catching up to do. FYI, I recently printed up my past letters/posts to you for my mother to read. I was a little apprehensive to give them to her, but so far she likes what she has read.

Damn, I have to take a quick break. That overactive bladder commercial just came on and every time I see it, I have to pee.

Better now. Well, what’s been happening; gotta pause to think for a few.

Oh, I had a really nice rash for about five weeks in October and November. Nice subject, just filling you in on my exciting life. I thought the rash was ringworm (what a horrible name – it’s actually not a worm thank God, but a bacterial infection); however, it wasn’t ringworm but something called pityriasis rosea. Terrible rash that covered almost my entire body and it got a little itchy toward the last week or so. Went on the internet for the diagnosis and remedies – started taking multi-vitamins and used Head and Shoulders shampoo on the the rash and it was gone in one week. Thank God for WebMD. Turns out pityriasis rosea is a rash that is caused by a virus (due to a weakened immune system). I was super busy with dog walks during the month preceding the rash and also wasn’t sleeping well or eating right, hence the compromised immune system. Well, enough about that enthralling subject – I’m sure you’re thrilled to hear about my red, scaly rash (now you are certainly visualizing it – sorry . . .).

Christmas was all right, it’s always nice to spend time with family but not having Dad there always makes me a little melancholy. Hard to believe that Dad will have been gone two years this September. Christmas really is for kids you know, and being that there are no kids around during our Christmases, I suggested that our family should just draw names for gifts instead of spending so much money on multiple gifts, but no one really wanted to do that except one of my sisters. So, everyone is getting a Chia Pet this year.

I remember when I was a kid I knew it was really about to be Christmas when I saw the commercial with Santa riding down snow-covered slopes on a Norelco electric razor (lucky he wasn’t electrocuted). Over the last decade or so, I always knew that I had better start my shopping when the Chia Pet commercials came on. This year, I was horrified to find myself subjected to the Michael Bolton Honda commercials which seemed to air every five minutes. Thank God that yelling, copy-cat “singer” is no longer screaming at me from the TV. I am reminded of a great Michael Bolton impersonation by Jim Carrey. I searched youtube and they have it – check it out (just search Michael Bolton, Jim Carrey. It’s a video from the series “In Living Color”). The ending is a crack up (literally).

I reluctantly watched the Superbowl this year even though the 49ers weren’t in it and speaking of commercials, I was looking forward to seeing them because the game was so boring. Talk about a run away by the Seahawks. I didn’t really think too many of the commercials were noteworthy except the Budweiser commercial with the Clydesdales and the lab puppy. So cute, made me tear up a little at the end. Funny, I haven’t seen that commercial again and it was the best one.

I hated the Jack in the Box commercial for the “Bacon Insider” burger that featured a pig with horns (not in the burger that is, in the commercial). Some things just don’t seem right – you know, a pig with horns galavanting around to country music with a jack-in-the-box guy and people in red checkered shirts is “just not right” (not to mention, a hamburger with bacon inside the burger, strips of bacon and bacon infused mayonnaise which most likely results in bacon barfing).

That pig reminded me of when I was at a party and the family’s pet, a pot bellied pig, was snorting around the food tables. Someone was feeding it bacon – another “just not right” moment. Never liked cannibals. And, warning, this may gross you out but I just recalled yet another just not right moment. I opened our bathroom door, not knowing my husband was in there, and I was shocked at what I saw. He was sitting there, taking a crap (I assume, because he was sitting) while eating a Fudgsicle. That was definitely a just not right moment. With that visual, I will leave this subject behind (no pun intended).

Well, I’ve gone on long enough with this portion of my letter. Will resume later. As you know, Blog, my posts can be rather verbose.

March 7 9:30 p.m.

God, what a strange letter (what else is new?). Sorry about that Blog. I’m deciding whether I should post this or not. It’s not going the way I thought it would and I’m getting negative feelings about it. Well, that’s it for my first post in over six months. I will write again Blog but not in letter format. It just wasn’t the great idea I thought it would be but rather corny. Oh well on to better posts (hopefully) in the future . . .

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