April 4 9:00 a.m.
I can’t put into words how excited I was to find numerous emails from WordPress readers in response to my post “Blog Sharing.” But, I will put it into words – I was ecstatic!
In addition to twelve “likes,” ten people decided to follow my blog, bringing my blog follower total to twelve (first two followers: me and my sister). I was shocked at the response to what I thought was a whiny, pity-party post about no one reading my blog!
I also had various comments and attempted to get into the blogs of respondents but unfortunately either WordPress or my computer wasn’t cooperating. I plan to do some reading and responding this weekend as I really want to communicate with those who read my post (and read their posts).
After my initial elation wore off, reality hit and my worry gene kicked in. My mom is the biggest worry wart you’d ever meet and I inherited the worry gene from her. I began to get anxious about my future posts and my blog followers’ expectations.
Thoughts like “I have to write more often; I have to write about more topical subjects; I hope my writing isn’t too silly; I hope my writing lives up to my followers’ expectations,” etc. came up (is that semicolon abuse?). My anxiety lasted until I got to work and started walking dogs (I’m a dog walker and pet care provider). Walking dogs is a form of meditation for me and very relaxing; I don’t know how I ever lasted over twenty-five years working in an office.
Unfortunately, the anxiety about my blog followers and their expectations returned when I was ready to go to sleep last night. I have a routine of watching TV before I go to bed and when I get drowsy, I turn the TV off and go to sleep. Most of the time, I get to sleep pretty quickly, but when I turned the TV off last night, my mind went into overdrive. It was as though my brain said “YES! The TV is off, now I can start up!”
I once again dwelled on what my followers would think about future posts and what I should write. After dwelling on that for about an hour, the logical part of my brain finally took over and I thought “you know it’s not like I’ve been elected to office and have to please my constituents.” I put WordPress out of my mind and then began to think about other things that cause insomnia like what my checking account balance could be (I rarely balance my checking account), my work schedule for the next day, and finally trying to remember what I dreamt about the previous night. Somehow I managed to get to sleep after going through the entire alphabet numerous times to try and recall the subject of the dream I had the night before (never did remember).
This morning I was a lot more calm about my blog and its followers. I realized that I should just keep writing what I feel, stream of consciousness style, and not change a thing. I enjoy writing that way and if I feel obligated to pleasing readers, I may not write as often, it probably will change the way I write and I may not enjoy writing as much. So, no more worry or anxiety about my blog and its followers/readers! Sigh of relief . . . I feel much better now (and again, thanks for reading).