To Segway or Not to Segway

March 25 9:15 a.m.

A friend of mine and his family took a “Segway Tour” of San Francisco this weekend and he was kind enough to email the following photo. Note to my friend Mike: This photo may haunt you for the rest of your life.

Sorry, but you all look like nerds (hurray for nerds!)

Upon seeing this photo, I couldn’t seem to stop laughing but when the laughter finally subsided, I began to ponder the age-old question “To Segway or not to Segway.”

In my case the answer to this question would be “not to Segway.” I’ve had a few bad experiences with two-wheeled vehicles and I’m sure that I’d have similar results with a Segway. Plus I prefer not to look like a nerdy fool. In fact, in addition to the nerd factor, Segways can be dangerous. Take for example, what happened to Jim Heselden (a case of fatal irony), who was so fond of Segways, he bought the company:

Courtesy of

Sept. 27, 2010

A British businessman who bought the Segway company less than a year ago died after riding one of the scooters off a cliff and into a river near his Yorkshire estate.

Jim Heselden, known locally as Jimi, acquired the Segway company from its U.S. inventor Dean Kamen in December 2009.

According to British media, Heselden, 62, plunged into the River Wharfe while riding a rugged country version of the two-wheeled transporter on Sunday . . .

Poor Jimi. I guess the “rugged country version” wasn’t rugged enough (what did it have – knobby tires and camo netting?). Well at least he died doing what he loved. I wonder what he was thinking when he and his Segway went off the cliff. Maybe the rugged country Segway should have been equipped with a parachute.

You know when you think about it, why would anyone want to be standing up when they are being “transported?” I would prefer sitting down – a four-wheel-drive La-Z-Boy recliner is more my style.

I compiled the following list which may clear up some confusion about the Segway nerd factor:

“To Segway or Not to Segway” List:

“To Segway” (short list of those who may not look like a nerd on a Segway)

-Richard Simmons
-Conan O’Brien
-Art Garfunkel
-The Captain from the group “Captain and Tennille”
-The Pope
-Paul Ryan
-Kyle Busch
-Colonel Sanders (pre humous)
-Orville Redenbacher (pre humous)
-Ronald McDonald (or any clown)

“Not to Segway” (those who would look like a nerd on a Segway):

-Everyone else

What has civilization come to?



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