Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot

I just read my last post and thought I’d write about “Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot.”

I’m not a big believer in the Bigfoot legend but I’m sure that if there is a Bigfoot, he’d rather be called “Yeti” or better yet, “The Abominable* Snowman.” Of course, that is assuming that “Bigfoot” understands the English language (I know he screams according to Bigfoot hunters, but I think that is the extent of his verbal ability). Just remembered “Sasquatch,” – have to look up the spelling on that and the meaning. And, I know there are other names for that legendary beast with huge feet but I can’t remember them right now and don’t feel like Googling just yet. You know, Bigfoot’s feet are probably proportionate to its size so this pedi-endowed “beast” actually should not be called Bigfoot. *Abominable is such a great word – hard to pronounce but great nonetheless.

My interest in Bigfoot began with a question I posed to my husband. I asked him if he thought there was a Bigfoot and he said “No” with certainty. I asked him why he was so sure there wasn’t a Bigfoot and he replied “If there is a Bigfoot, how come no one has found a carcass or a skeleton of one.” I had to agree and thought I’d find out the answer to that question and some others I had.

I’ve always noticed that most of the videos and photos of Bigfoot seem to be the male of the species (unless the female Bigfoot looks exactly like the male). I think Ms./Mrs. Bigfoot probably has smaller feet and some hairy boobs however. And you never hear about Bigfoot kid sightings. Where are the kids? Maybe they stay in the Bigfoot cave until they reach adulthood?

I was thinking that the Bigfoot screams, supposedly heard by his hunters, are most likely the “Abominable Mrs. B” yelling at Mr. Bigfoot for not wiping his muddy feet on the “Welcome” mat before entering the cave. But I could be wrong about that.

I wonder if Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot would be disappointed if their kids had small feet.

Also, if bears shit in the woods, I’m sure Sasquatch does too. Has anyone found and examined Sasquatch shit?

OK, enough jocularity – Google is calling me and I can’t resist the overwhelming urge to do some Bigfoot research on the many questions I’ve raised above (which are restated below).

Google Bigfoot Research Study (Data significantly condensed):

1. Does Bigfoot understand or have any type of language?

Google results (search words “Bigfoot language”):

“Excerpt from Donna Anderson’s article at http://www.examiner.com entitled: “Bigfoot: Smart Enough to Have his own Language but Still an Animal”:

“Bigfoot has his own language and it has distinctly Asian undertones, according to Rhettman Mullis who appeared on Coast to Coast AM on Friday, July 27, 2012. Mullis, founder of Bigfootology, is a well-known researcher, respected for his use of scientific methods in his hunt to determine the origins of Bigfoot.

Mullis says that all animals have a language, a way of communicating with each other. However, the Bigfoot language is actually more descriptive than say a cat or dog or cow, and you can actually make out specific sounds.”

I hope Bigfoot can vocalize more than meow, woof and moo (Asian undertones?).

2. How do you spell Sasquatch and what does Sasquatch mean?

Google results (search words: “Sasquatch meaning”):

I did spell it correctly and the term “sasquatch” is an anglicized derivative of the word “Sésquac,” meaning “wild man.”

No big surprise there.

3. What are the other names for Bigfoot?

Google results (search words: “Bigfoot other names”):

From http://www.wiki.answers.com: Other names for Big Foot are Momo, Yeti, Abominable Snowman, Yowie, Meh-Teh, Raksha, Kikomba, The Great Bear, Sasquatch, and Himalayan Beast also after some extra research in Florida, Georgia & Louisiana the legendary big foot is also known as the skunk ape!

My personal favorite is the “Abominable Snowman” (reminds me of “The Abominable Dr. Phibes,” a Vincent Price horror movie) but Momo and Yowie are good too (for kid’s names). Don’t think much of “skunk ape.”

4. Are Bigfoot’s feet proportionate to its size?

Google results (search words: “Bigfoot feet proportionate”):

The first few websites that came up were “feet/penis size” related, so I decided to abandon this search. I’m sure that Bigfoot’s feet (and other parts) are proportionate to its size).

5. Has anyone ever found Bigfoot carcasses or skeletal remains?

Google results (search words: “Bigfoot skeleton carcass”):

Excerpt from http://www.bigfoothunting.com:

“No body or bones of a Bigfoot have ever been found. This can be explained with many reasons. One is reason is that nature has a way with getting rid of animal remains. Many large animals die each year of natural causes, yet rarely are any remains found. When an animal dies, its remains are quickly consumed by maggots and other predators. This process can take less than ten days. Anything still remaining will be spread out across the forest, rotted, or buried in leaves. Some experts also feel that Bigfoot may bury their dead as humans do. Another thing worth mentioning is if someone is hiking in the woods and sees a bone, they don’t usually take it with them for further analysis. On top of everything, these creature probably don’t die very often, making any fossils very rare.” –HUH?!?

I skipped the “Deer Carcass Decomposition” video on this website. Also, don’t quite get that last line about the creatures not dying very often!

6. Have there been any female and adolescent Bigfoot sightings?

Google results (search words: “Bigfoot female children sightings):

“The more frequent sightings of single males over females may be due to these animals probing the terrain for new niches, food sources or mates. They most probably form the majority of cases in which curiosity lures an animal into plain sight. Such curiosity-evoking events range from a lighted window in a secluded house to barns with animals in them, unusual animals in outside corrals, cars or equipment being repaired in a remote location, loud noises like chainsaws or explosions, and especially the screaming of children at play. Repeatedly, sasquatches have watched in these contexts, occasionally for hours, and even attempted interaction in the play of children.*”

*That’s really frightening — I wouldn’t want a Sasquatch playing with my kids!

7. Does anyone know why Bigfoot screams?

Google results (search words: “Bigfoot screams”):

“The Bigfoot screams, supposedly heard by his hunters, are most likely the “Abominable Mrs. B” yelling at Mr. Bigfoot for not wiping his muddy feet on the “Welcome” mat before entering the cave.”

I KNEW IT!

8. Would Mr.and Mrs. Bigfoot be disappointed if their kids had small feet?

Google results: (search keywords: “Bigfoot small feet”)

Yes.

I KNEW IT!

9. Has anyone found and examined Sasquatch shit?

Google results (search words “Bigfoot scat”):

Excerpt from http://www.bigfoot-lives.com:

“Instances of Sasquatch feces being reported are understandably not as common as say footprints. This is not surprising considering that in a given time frame, a creature can make hundreds of tracks and yet only one piece of scat, and even then this is the quickly degraded by nature.

What distinguishes Bigfoot scat from that of any other animal is the size. Dr. W. Henner Fahrenbach in a television interview mentions a stool which was 2 feet long. This he says (jokingly) may account for the screams which are sometimes attributed to Bigfoot.”

Now that’s funny! Maybe Bigfoot needs more fiber in his/her diet. Warning, there are actual photos of Sasquatch shit on this website. Do not view after eating (I‘m ready to upchuck my breakfast).

Wow, this has really cleared up a lot of questions I had about the Abominable Mr. and Mrs. Bigfoot (and kiddies). If you need more information, there are tons more websites full of Sasquatch info and there’s always “Finding Bigfoot” on TV. I think I might start watching that but not for a while – after all that Googling, I’m getting kind of sick of Bigfoot to tell you the truth.

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