TV “Potpourri”

Feb. 1 9:00 a.m.

I just looked at my schedule for today and I have a lot of dog walks this morning, so unfortunately I’m going to miss “The Price is Right.” Yes, it’s officially confirmed – I am an “older person.” I guess I like abuse when I’m watching TV as The Price is Right has a large share of aggravating contestants who bid “$1” at the wrong time and also look to the audience for guidance when the game doesn’t require any (like picking random numbers). I miss Bob Barker, but have warmed up to Drew Carey (didn’t think he’d do well at first but he’s all right). Poor Drew, he had laser surgery on his eyes and has 20/20 vision but he has to wear glasses on the show because glasses are his trademark. That’s really gotta be a pisser.

You know when you think about it, game shows (and talk shows) were the first reality TV. I’ve always liked both game and talk shows and also enjoy court TV programs like “Judge Judy.” I love Judge Judy and I always crack up when she says “Put on your listening ears!” Judge Judy is yet another program where I yell at the TV – so many stupid people! I also can’t stand the “lack of responsibility” many plaintiffs and defendants display and the non-stop abuse of the English language. Of course, that’s how language evolves (or “devolves”), but I still hate the word “conversate” (which is now a new word in the dictionary) and also when people say “he borrowed me some money.”

I remember playing the game show “Let’s Make a Deal” with my two younger sisters when we were little. I don’t recall what we did to get to the final round for the last three prizes (doors), but what I do remember is that we had three boxes of “prizes.” One had a booby prize (like a rotten potato), the other something good (a piece of Mom’s jewelry) and under the last box was our cat Bootsy. For some reason, Bootsy must have known to be quiet once she was under the box, because it always surprised the sister who was the final contestant when she picked the box Bootsy was under. When the box was lifted, Bootsy would shoot out like a rocket and usually run right at my “contestant” sister. I hate to admit it, but we also put one of our cats in the mailbox to scare the mailman. Mom had a fit when she found out, but the cat wasn’t in the mailbox for long, the mailman hadn’t come yet and there was no harm done to the cat (except its psyche).

We also used to play a modified version of the Jeopardy board game where all of us (myself, my two sisters and some of our friends) would yell “Ding” to answer the questions (my Mom was the host and asked the questions). We never really put the answers in the form of a question or kept score. In fact, it would really be interesting if the players on the Jeopardy TV program had to pay if they were in the negative (dollar wise) at the end of the game. Who would they pay? — Oh, me of course. Note to Alex Trebec(sp?): Don’t act so smug when you read the answers, like you really knew them instead of just reading the answer from a card.

Anyway, back to the Jeopardy story. We used to play it a lot and one of my sisters who had to be in either the fourth or fifth grade at the time, volunteered to answer a question her teacher asked the class by yelling “DING” instead of raising her hand. We all thought that was hilarious and apparently so did everyone in her classroom (my sister was kidded about that for years).

I will not watch “Wheel of Fortune,” which is just a glorified version of hangman, because it drives me crazy when contestants buy obvious vowels. Also, I hate the broad categories like “Things” – wow do you think that category encompasses much? Also hate the “Before and After” category.

As you probably surmised, I often have time between dog walks to watch TV and of course during the middle of the day, there are mostly old-age related commercials or commercials for unemployed people. What about us dog walkers? No dog commercials?

I can’t help but laugh at the scooter chair commercial where the two old bats are in their scooter chairs at the edge of the Grand Canyon. I always think about them going off the edge. And, what about all of those commercials for walk-in tubs? The first thing I noticed when watching one of the walk-in tub commercials was how dirty the water in the tub was (there was an obese old man in the tub and the water was a dark gray color). And you know what, there must have been some other people who didn’t like the gray water as the next time saw the commercial, the tub water was dyed blue. Thank you, I appreciate that.

The Life Alert commercial that I like the best is the one with a woman who says “I would never give up Life Alert. I will give up bread, beer, wine and soda but not Life Alert.” Of course, this woman, who has breathing tubes in her nose, does not say she will give up her oxygen tank because then she’d really need Life Alert.

Well the Price is Right is on, so it’s time to get to the day’s dog walks. I’m late for work but thankfully dogs don’t wear watches so I think I’ll watch a little bit before I go. There we go — some idiot just bid $1 and he wasn’t the last bidder, so the last guy bid $2 (neither one got to the stage). That’s enough for me.


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