The Bachelor and Yucky Hot Tubs

Jan. 30 2:25 p.m.

I was thinking about the TV series “The Bachelor” today and how much I really hate it. My husband, Mitch, loves the program obviously because it’s almost every man’s dream — being surrounded by numerous “beautiful” women, the majority of whom want to be romantically involved with you. And for that reason alone, I completely despise “The Bachelor,” although there are plenty of other reasons why I can’t stand the premise or what happens in this series.

Why do the women always fall in love with the bachelor so quickly? The bachelor does also but he’s a lot more emotionally restrained than many of the women who cry their eyes out when not given a rose. I love those women who back-stab their “so-called” friends in order to get one up on the competition. Really makes womankind look good. And there’s all that kissing – yuck. So much germ-swapping.

There’s usually a hot tub at the bachelor’s “mansion” which is a major pet peeve of mine. I’ve never liked hot tubs and have only spent a half a minute in one before jumping out. Never get into a hot tub when you have to pee and never get into a hot tub unless you know the people in it very well (even then, it can be sketchy). I’ve always thought being in a hot tub was like simmering in a vat of human broth. I don’t even like taking baths as it’s like soaking in your own dirty soup. So, needless to say (but I will) — I won’t ever get into a hot tub again as it’s just a cauldron of human skin, pubic hair, body secretions and who knows what else. I’m sure the bachelor’s hot tub is a melting pot of bad DNA.

So, why in the hell do I watch “The Bachelor?” I guess it’s because Mitch likes it and I love to watch it with him* and yell disparaging remarks when something stupid happens and cry out “Ewww” when there’s kissing going on. *He’s actually in another room.

I can’t tell you what’s happening in this season’s program because I usually don’t really watch much of The Bachelor. I most often have it on in the background when I’m playing online slots (internet casino). When the commercial comes on soliciting for the new bachelor or bachelorette, Mitch always yells “Nominate me!”

Now Mitch as the bachelor would be a TV program to watch. He’s not really my husband (I just call him that as we’ve been together over 25 years), so he is technically a bachelor but it would be a very different series. Number one, Mitch is over 55, is a bit of a hoarder, isn’t always fully employed and not really a “catch.” I love him dearly, but he’s not bachelor material! Sure would be a great program though – “The Hoarding, Old Fart Bachelor.” I wonder what the bachelorettes would be like!

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