Zombies and Jack in the Box

January 18 9:40 a.m.

I was hoping that I’d find a good zombie movie on TV last night but unfortunately, there was only one horror movie on called “Bunnyman.” Horrible movie — so I watched the whole thing of course (may have missed a few parts due to food and potty breaks). Even though “Bunnyman” did a lot of savage killing, mostly with a chainsaw, it was difficult to be scared of a guy dressed in a bunny suit (even though he was a mutant underneath). I was more intrigued by a gnarly looking, hunch-backed mutant (wearing goggles) chained up in Bunnyman’s house, but I never did find out what his story was.

I’ve always been a fan of zombie movies and I love the TV show “The Walking Dead.” The Walking Dead has some of the best zombies I’ve ever seen (classic zombie demeanor: walking slow, but eating fast, growling, gnashing teeth, absolutely no intelligence) and also the best zombie killings ever. I couldn’t believe a recent zombie disembowelment scene – I was so astounded that I laughed, of all things. No, I am not a psycho, I just enjoy horror movies and gore and I laugh because of nerves (that’s my excuse). I am also intrigued by the large intestine (or small – whatever that really long one is – must be the large). Does it have to be that long?

Funny how I can watch that type of stuff but be totally creeped out by the Jack-in-the-Box commercials with that human body, puppet-headed “Jack” and his look-alike son (“Jack Jr.” I believe). I hate both of them with a passion.

Yes, I am pupaphobic and automatonophobic (fear of puppets and similar human-like creations — thank you Google). That may be an over-diagnosis, but I am very turned off by puppets, ventriloquist dummies, etc. Not animal puppets and dummies, just human-like ones. I don’t even like animated human puppets and I always hated that cartoon “Johnny Quest.”

I think my pupaphobia and automatonophobia probably were exacerbated by watching an episode of the original “Twilight Zone” when I was a kid, wherein a ventriloquist’s dummy comes alive and kills the ventriloquist. There was also the movie “Magic” that had the same theme and was very scary. A friend of mine bought an antique ventriloquist’s dummy and when he brought it out to show me, I freaked out and told him to take it away. He put it in the corner of the room and after I insisted that it was staring at me, he finally put it back in the closet. I can’t even stand watching the animated human-like puppets in “Frosty the Snowman.”

When I happen across one of those Jack in the Box commercials and accidentally watch some of it, I always hate seeing Jack’s normal wife. It is really disturbing to me to think about a normal woman married to a guy with a Jack in the Box head. Oh no, now I’m thinking about their possible sexual positions – warning, bad visuals on the way. Enough about that (“Thank God,” you are probably saying to yourself).

Oh, and I always yell “melting cheese” with indignant incredulousness (emphasis on the “melting”) when they describe some of the food in their commercials because Jack in the Box never has actively melting cheese on any of its food and I highly doubt that their so-called “cheese” would even melt. Who knows what that cheese really is and also what is that goopy “mystery meat” in their tacos? Yet, I still continue to go to Jack in the Box occasionally to see if the cheese is melting and if the tacos are greasy enough, you don’t even notice how weird that mystery meat is (don’t ever open up the taco and look at it).

I saw a really bad zombie movie last weekend with Nazi zombies. Thankfully, I only saw the last ten minutes but even with that short viewing window, I can say with certainty that this was a terrible movie. Number one, the Hitler zombie didn’t even look like Hitler and his Nazi army of zombies weren’t scary enough and they all were running after their victims (everyone knows that zombies do NOT run) There were only two victims left when I was watching but there were still tons of Nazi zombies and the Hitler zombie of course. Even though it was a crappy movie, I have to admit that if I see it on TV again I will probably watch the whole thing.

My husband was outside with our neighbor, “Tom,” while I was watching this movie and when Tom asked him what I was up to, my husband said “she’s watching Nazi zombies from Belgium.” Tom replied “Really,” and then went back home (I found out later that he was trying to find the movie “Nazi Zombies from Belgium” on his TV). I have no idea how my husband came up with that name – the real name of the movie is “Dead Snow” so you know to watch it next time it’s on TV. Classically bad. Maybe the Nazi zombies were from Belgium but I highly doubt it.


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