Dog Nonsense

Jan. 27 8:00 a.m.

Yes, I’m up at 8:00 in the morning – a rare occurrence unless I’m overnight petsitting at a client’s house. Which I was. I just can’t sleep in another bed, only my own. I used to love staying at other people’s houses, petsitting, and had no problem at all getting to sleep but not any more. Christ, I don’t really sleep that well in my own bed lately.

My internal, non-stop voice has quieted since I first started this blog, thank the Lord. I was constantly thinking about things to write and writing them in my head for the first few weeks after starting this. I actually had to make myself sing a song in my head to shut the voice up. It works better with a monotonous, very repetitive song (kind of like this sentence).

I haven’t written in a while which also has stilled the voice in my head and I also haven’t written much in my things-to-write-about list. I’m sure I’ve woken up my internal voice however, now that I’m writing again. Better put another notepad in my car.

I am kind of operating at half-tilt right now, since I am sleep deprived after petsitting a dog, “Priscilla” and a cat “Elvira” last night. Poor Elvira – I locked her out of the house last night by mistake and it rained. She was waiting at the door when I got up this morning but she wasn’t wet so thankfully she found shelter from the weather. Priscilla slept at the foot of the bed, warm and happy.

I’ve been a “pet care provider” (dog walks, overnight petsitting, daycare, boarding) for over ten years now and it’s a wonderful job. I just hope my knees hold out another ten years so I don’t have to return to sedentary work in an office. I’ve become very attached to the many pets (mostly dogs) that I walk and/or care for and absolutely love my “job.” Hard to call what I do a “job” as it’s so much fun and the word “job” just seems to connote something you have to do and something that’s not really that much fun — J O B — heaviness, burden . . .

I’ve observed many things about dogs in my years of interacting with them. As you may notice, some of these observations are just that –- observations, not fact.

One of the first things I noticed was that lighter colored dogs usually have dark colored assholes and dark colored dogs have light colored assholes. And, I have no idea why the first thing I decided to write about was dog asshole color. I think I noticed the dog fur/asshole color differential most likely because when I’m walking dogs, I find myself looking at their assholes because most dogs I walk do not heel and are in front of me. This fur/asshole color differential assumption could actually be factual as I have yet to meet a dog that has an asshole the same color as its fur. That is except for my dog, who is brindle, and has a multi-colored asshole. Note: I do not look at the dog’s asshole the whole time I’m walking the dog (no pun intended).

Further related to assholes, if a dog’s sense of smell is so keen, how in the hell can a dog stand to smell another dog’s shit? Someone once told me that a dog can identify every ingredient in a pot of minestrone soup using its sense of smell. I don’t have any idea how that was tested/verified and I’ve always questioned the sanity of the person who told me that. However, given the minestrone soup theory, perhaps dogs don’t smell the scent of dog shit as a whole, but instead smell each ingredient in the shit which may not smell as bad as the entire shit. That’s my dog shit soup theory.

Also, on the subject of dog shit, I find it astonishing that as a dog walker of over ten years, I have only stepped in dog shit a few times. Of course, I never step in the shit of a dog I’m walking as I’m observing where it defecates (or its asshole) but I do occasionally step in other dog shit along the paths I’m walking. I had four dogs at one time many years ago when I was able to manage having that many pets and it’s funny because they shit all over the back yard and none of them ever stepped in any of the “dog mines” in the yard. And, there were times when I wasn’t very diligent about cleaning up the poop – four dogs leave a lot of crap. The dogs never stepped in it but of course I did – punishment for not cleaning it up often enough.

Long pause, internal voice now singing. I’ve come to a grinding halt but have written more than I anticipated this morning. Got on a roll when writing about dog assholes. That sounds very weird.


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